Day 9

Урокът е да се приема такава каквато съм и да не искам нечие одобрение, а само своето собствено.

А също да виждам във всеки човек любов и целия свят.

Няма мъже, жени, а хора…

Day 8

We go deeper into knowing ourselves through laughter and non verbal communication.

I feel more and more at home.

The challenge is to respect, grateful and send love, not critics.

Imagined today how I am in a happy relationship…in love, loved

Is there anything else you can deep into, which goes beyond the dream to love a man?

Day 8

I felt love yesterday…I could see it in people’s eyes

The door is open.

We read the book together…

I send love to anybody, even those who have issues…

I receive love.

Lessons: Do not stop here, but continue to feel and open more.

Questions?

How can I live in Sofia feeling this strength?

I dream of an everyday, where I feel happy and giving to the world in a world where I am loved and love a person called my husband. I imagined our wedding and the feeling of a woman, who is now in front of a wifehood and motherhood.

Day 7

The joy comes out

Connection with people through joy

Being interested in every person’s heart

Get out of the logical models

Appreciate what is there and not try to escape somewhere else.

The goals of the training:

Giving love, feeling love to an extend that it both changes us.

Day 6

Razog Day 1

Appreciate each moment, being present each moment

Give love to each person

Seeing everyone as a gift

Всеки е подарък за всеки.

Другият има нужди също както и аз.

Да се науча да виждам всеки човек като част от цялото, както и аз. За не давам на себе си и на другите повече важност отколкото трабва.

Да търся и получавам одобрение само от себе си. Да се приемам и обичам.

Да бъда повече, да правя по-малко.

Да направя общата радост, радостта от общуването по-важна от това да съм права, да спазвам правила.

Day 5

Grateful, grateful, благодарен!

I received a huge present yesterday. A realization!

I wanted too much attention, I gave myself too much importance allowing myself to believe I am better or deserve something from the past, which is not mine.

Please forgive me for daring to act, think and feel as a child who wants all the attention. Forgive me for daring to think I am more than you.

Now I let myself stay with this gift, the gift of partnership, of vulnerability, of humidity….

And it feels me with enormous love and gratitude for this chance to meet a person, who gave me this gift. The gift of his story. His mother died when he was 3 days old, his father left the family. But the boy grew up to become a strong and brave man, who trusts life and does not require more than he gets. Isn’t it a gift of gratitude?

Day 4

Well, obviously at some point in my life, I got stuck with fun maths.

And I stopped moving forward. It gave me a lot even when difficulties occured.

But my soul dreamed of feeling light, feeling my female energy…

I did not give up though. This year I will build from it a really good structured organization and will seek for an enthusiastic person to bring it to a new level. And I will know that I managed not only to give birth, but to bring it to a decent level of structure, so that it could be lead in beautiful new ways having a structure. It feels like I gave it an education and now she can be happy with her adult life.

When I realized this I decided to search for a temporary job, that inspires me. A month in a new job. The minute I decided to do this, I felt that God approves. It was a long way to go, but in the end I realized that all I need is to start as a beginner in a new environment, that suits my experience, attitude and intuition, of course. I went for a walk two days ago, just like that. I went walking and 3 positive things happen all of a sudden. I met a girl, whom I know from a volunteering action in Bulgaria, she is the one to be blamed for my ability to drive a tractor. She told me about an option to start at their ngo, which inspired students to be entrepreneurs and also told me about several projects, that she wants to apply for. In other words, I can work with her on these projects for the following months.

Then, Nadya, my bread friend called me and I asked her the same question of wanting to work on another project. She mentioned the cultural touristic way, that serves as a connection between the bread houses. The idea really inspired me.

And the third thing, that happened to me – was the meeting with Hristo Alexiev, whom I met at an investment hub and who inspires me in a very positive way  to an extend that I really seek talking to him about business and things to do.

Then, I also got positive feedbacks from several people, whom I asked about working at their companies for one month.

Obviously, next week I want to explore several things:

  • all the options of working/volunteering with the following wishes:
    • inspiring mission;
    • nice and dynamic team;
    • ngo;
    • ability to use my languages, art of hosting;
    • challenge to learn new things;
    • traveling included;

My goals for the following month are:

  • give myself full permission to follow my intuition about what, where and with whom, what to do ;
  • to explore all the new options for occupation according to the criteria above;
  • to take care of the fun maths, according to the goals below.

Goals for March – Fun Maths;

  • improve the structure: site, processes of the company;
  • find financing for the summer in June and July;
  • help Plovdiv become happy with the children;
  • increase the current income;
  • start social activities as a voluntary job;
  • found an ngo to make projects internationally;

Remembering that I am a true treasure, the best treasure I have and the man, who will be with me should really be able to prove that he deserves me! To love myself. To take care of myself.

Not a single hour of being in my past, but to move forward every second. To feel with my heart, that life is unfolding in a beautiful way. Thank you God for this, this is a reality.

Day 3

Balance of leading and being led

Balance of being active and feeling the power of God

The last few days were somehow into the direction: what is it that will make me feel like the world s big, interesting and I am just an active part of it.

Didn’t I took this life as a projection only on my own deals?

Why I do not expect to meet something that I really want on the streets of Sofia? Like I am “sure” he is not there.

Why did I put myself too high, losing my modesty?

Do I think that I know everything?

Where is God in my life?

Not that I do not feel it now, but somehow my business makes me be even bigger than I am. And there is a reason for that. In the work that I am doing, I should know everything and be always prepared to lead. And I believe there is a way to feel at home and to feel modestn part of a time and lead when is needed. Like a mother leading her children, but at the same time she is been led by her husband and by the children sometimes.

So, the question what is is that I need to do to see the world as the unexpected beautiful place to be at this point of my life! I need to OPEN to LISTEN.

So, what do I really want:

  • I  need to feel as a beginner in a group of similar minded people;
  • I need to feel part of a team with a boss, challenged to be a good worker.
  • I need to open my private life to those to come as part of my new life and self
  • I need to meet my true partner, with whom I will spend all the life and will begin creating our new life together.(I say this with more thoughts than usual and the feelings in my legs that I am not ready or what)

Day 2

Today was one of those really special days – my period’s first day. Whenever I try to explain to my female friends, how special is the discomfort and pain during this  day, they can hardly understand me. I will try to explain – I believe this very special day is full of wisdom, you are strongly connected to your inner female spirit, true self and only by being conscious for what you need to hear through the discomfort and even the pain, you get answers and true joy. The thing is to not take medicine or try to fight against the pain, but rather to listen what the pain needs to tell you.

What helped also, was the fact that i went to that nice place full of water and warmth the last day.

So, my question from yesterday was what on daily basis should I do to feel that life goes through me or “Кое е това, което на ежедневна база ще ме накара да се виждам като активен участник на Големия Живот както на Камино”

I realized that it may not help to change my room, maybe I will have to change more…visualizing the see

to be continued…

И още една мисъл:

Срещата със Стани е полезна за духа ми, да се сниша. – значи е време да му напиша мейл или да се обадя!

Day One

With the intentions to continue the process of looking for answers, I felt the need to go to a warm place with water and silence – so I chose to go to a sauna. My initial wish was to clarify my dreams, to see what am I grateful for and what do I want to change.

But as I trust the process, I was open to whatever answers appear.

I went to the spa center with a resting room and two saunas, and cold showers of course.

And here is how the conversation with my higher-self went on…

In order to realize my dreams, I need to become the person who is capable to create those things or let God create them…

Who are the most important things in my life? These are the things, without whom I will be miserable in a long term…so here is one really important thing for me. I intend to create a stable family life with my true partner (whom I will recognize as the awaited life partner), with whom I feel happy, peaceful, confident in our feelings to each other, growing and capable of creating the most amazing things together, going through difficulties and becoming stronger as a family team, taking care of the others.

But first I should meet him.

Well, so what stops me from meeting him? Why do I prefer to be alone?

  • I prefer to be alone, because I still want to be the most important person for myself;
  • I prefer to be alone, because I still want adventures instead of a stable and monotonious life;
  • maybe I am still alone, because I havent met him so far, but somehow my responsibility tells me that the first two points are very true.

Consiously coming to this point, I felt the need to write an affirmation – something that you repeat in order to change something your mind considers.

My affirmation1: I choose to meet and live with a partner, cause I am ready to make somebody more important than me, to face experiences – good and bad together with the responsibility of the choice to be with that person. It took me very long to gain experiences on my own, to live for myself or to save myself from myself. Now, I chose to live for us, to make our mutual goal more important than my own little goals.

So, what is a happy and stable family life. Now, when I remember my long realtionship, which ended 4 years ago, I can say that a happy family life is:

  • trust and faith, taking care of the other – I had this;
  • “is he the one?” – having the absolute confidence in my feelings for him; – this was missing;
  • are we a good team? do we manage to create wonderful things together like a home and kids? – the previous was missing, so this was missing too;
  • helped people – i had this;
  • had a wonderful surroundings of friends – had this;
  • create a wonderful house together – this was missing;
  • look together in the same direction; – this was missing;
  • going through difficulties and becoming stronger – had this;
  • team work on raising kids;
  • romance; – had this;
  • adventures;- this was missing;

Now, I know what is a stable and happy family life. I should say that I have experienced some of the aspects of a stable family  in my long ex relationship in “I had this”, but the others not.

So, lets see what kind of person do I want to be my man.

Somebody, to who I will be attracted in the right way. Somehow I imagine him having athletic, weak to normal body, active, decisive, confident in a good way, ability to face problems, and very positive, good to people, able to create love around him, able to understand me.

What kind of woman could stand near him?

So, she should radiate joy, woman attraction, gentle, caring, clever, very positive, responsible, supportive.

Of all the above, what I am missing is the part with radiating joy. So, what is the thing, which makes me lose my joy.When I lose my joy, then I stop liking myself, then I cannot be just myself, so I start playing games in order somebody to like me.

Then I asked myself what makes me feel joyful and the answer was that I can find many ways in which I can make myself happy. But somehow, the truth lies more deep, even deeper than creating external happy happenings like going for contact improvisation on tuesday evening.

So, I came to the most important question for the whole day: What on everyday base, will make me feel like life is going through me like on the Camino?